Posts

What Is a Good Mom?

The other day, I saw a woman's shirt that read, “Good Moms Yell.” I laughed to myself, but then I kept thinking about it. What is a good mom? Parenting is tricky. There is no one right way to do it. What works for one mom might not work for another. What works for one child might not work for another child. Every child is different, every family is different, and we are all figuring it out as we go. So, what makes someone a good mom? Here are a few things I thought of. Good moms still yell. Good moms still say the wrong thing. Good moms mess up. Good moms regret what they say. Good moms forget things. Good moms cry. Good moms feel frustrated. Good moms have days when they wonder if they are getting anything right. Good moms apologize and move on. Good moms ask for coaching and help. Good moms take care of their own needs so they can be more present for their families. Good moms are kind and compassionate with themselves. Good moms are human beings who are trying their best. And goo...
Post a Comment
Read more

When Your Kids Are Getting on Your Nerves: 3 Things to Try

 Relationships with our kids ebb and flow. Some days, we feel connected, patient, and happy to be around them. Other days, everything they do seems to get on our nerves. The chewing, the arguing, the whining, the messes… even the little things can feel BIG. If you find yourself feeling more annoyed or bugged by your child than you'd like, it doesn't mean you're a bad parent or that something is wrong with your relationship. It might just be time to pause and reset. Here are three things you can do to help. 1. Get It All Out of Your Head Grab a piece of paper and write down everything you're thinking about your child right now. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Maybe you're thinking, Why does he always have to argue with me? Why can't she just do what I ask? He is so inconsiderate. I'm so tired of dealing with this. Write it all down. Don't filter yourself or worry about whether your thoughts are nice. This isn't something you need to show anyone. It...
Post a Comment
Read more

One piece of advice I haven't forgotten that makes me a better mom.

When our kids were young, my husband once asked a coworker how she had such a great relationship with her kids. Her answer has always stuck with me: “We never stopped playing with them.” At the time, our kids were little, and playing with them felt pretty natural. We built forts, played games, wrestled, ran around outside, pretended, laughed, and did all the silly things that come naturally when you have little kids. But as kids get older, something starts to change.  We slowly stop playing. And I get it. Life gets busier. They become more independent. They don't need us to entertain them the way they did when they were three. And honestly, I think I sometimes started to believe that playing was something I did when my kids were little not something I needed to continue as they grew. But playing is one of the easiest ways to build a relationship with your kids. It doesn't have to be complicated. And it doesn't have to take much time. A few months ago, I had one of ...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Most Amazing Thing Happend

The most amazing thing happened. First off I want to say parenting is hard.  There are many times I don't know what to do.  One child is upset about not getting what they want and think I'm siding with the one child, but if I let the other have "their" way then the other feels upset.  AND neither is right and neither is wrong.   The other day one of my twins was feeling disappointed.  They were going to play with each other and Austin changed his mind.  Carter felt disappointed and upset that Austin said yes then said no. I was talking to Carter and telling him how he could try and ask if Austin would play with him for 10 min. Or that sometimes people just change their mind and we feel disappointed.   He started saying some rude things and bothering Austin.  I said, "I won't let you talk to him like that.  If you continue we will leave."  (SETTING A BOUNDARY IS SOMETHING I WILL DO) I started thinking, " he's such a brat ." and ...
Post a Comment
Read more

What Does Your Child Need Right Now: To Be Heard, Helped, Hugged, or High-Fived?

I love Mel Robbins, and recently I heard something on her podcast that has stuck with me. I’m not even sure she was talking specifically about parenting, but as soon as I heard it, I thought, this applies to almost every relationship and especially to our relationships with our kids. The question was: Does this person need to be heard, helped, hugged, or high-fived? I have found myself using this question over and over with my kids. Because sometimes when our kids are upset, our first instinct is to fix it. Or give advice. Or explain why they shouldn’t be upset. Or tell them what they need to do differently. And sometimes, that's not what they need at all. Sometimes they just need to be heard. Sometimes they need help. Sometimes they need a hug. And sometimes they need someone to celebrate them and say, “You’ve got this!” You can even ask your child what they need. Of course, in the middle of a meltdown, they may not have any idea. 😅 But even if they can't tell...
Post a Comment
Read more

Unintentionally harming your relationship with your child?

The Story You Tell Yourself About Your Child Matters More Than You Think What if the way you experience your child has less to do with who they are—and more to do with the story you are telling yourself about them? So much of how we experience our kids is shaped by what we think about them. If you think, “My child always whines,” your brain will become really good at finding all the times your child whines. If you think, “My teenager never listens,” you'll notice every eye roll, every ignored request, and every time they walk away while you're talking. Our brains are incredibly good at looking for evidence to support what we're already thinking. And this can work for us or against us. The story I used to tell myself I used to have a habitual thought about one of my sons: “He's such a brat.” It was almost automatic. When he did something that annoyed me, there it was. He's such a brat. And because that was the story I was carrying around, I became reall...
Post a Comment
Read more

What If You Just Agreed With Your Child?

 The other day, I was thinking about how many arguments we get into with our kids that really don't need to become arguments at all. You know the kind. Your child says, “You never listen to me, just listen!” And your immediate response is: “What do you mean I never listen to you? I listened to you for 20 minutes yesterday!” Now you're both arguing about whether or not you listen. Or maybe your child says: “I want ice cream. I don't want this gross dinner.” And suddenly you're explaining nutrition, reminding them that they had ice cream yesterday, telling them how much work you put into dinner, and explaining that everyone else is eating their dinner . Sound familiar? I've started thinking about how often our kids aren't actually asking us to fix something. They're just making a statement. And what if, instead of arguing with the statement, we just agreed with it? If your child says, “You never listen to me,” try: “Okay.” Or even: “You're...
Post a Comment
Read more