How Competence Builds Confidence in Kids

 As parents, we all want our kids to grow up confident — to believe in themselves, take initiative, and handle challenges without fear. But true confidence doesn’t come from constant reassurance or praise. It comes from competence.

When kids are given chances to do real things for themselves, they begin to see what they’re capable of. That success, however small, fuels their confidence. Then, because they feel more confident, they’re more likely to try new things — which helps them build even more competence. It’s a powerful feedback loop that starts with us stepping back.

Think about all the little tasks we do for our kids that they could actually do for themselves.
Here are a few simple examples:

• Let them make their own haircut or dentist appointments.

• Encourage them to order their own food at a restaurant.

• If you’re staying at a hotel, have them call the front desk to ask for an extra pillow or find out when breakfast is served.

• Let them talk to the cashier when buying something.

• Ask them to return a library book, or send a thank-you text to someone.

• Have them pack their own bag for sports practice or school (and learn from what they forget!).

Each of these moments might seem small, but they’re full of growth potential. They teach kids how to communicate clearly, handle a bit of discomfort, and take responsibility. They also show your child that you believe they can handle it — which might be the biggest confidence booster of all.

Over time, these small experiences prepare them for the bigger ones. When they hit their teen years, kids who have practiced independence are better equipped to talk to teachers, school counselors, and coaches. If they lose something important, they’ll have the confidence to call stores or places they’ve been to ask about it. They’ll know how to take initiative instead of waiting for someone else to solve the problem.

Confidence isn’t something we can give our kids.
It’s something they build — through competence, effort, and trust in their own abilities.

So next time you find yourself about to make a call, fill out a form, or speak on your child’s behalf — pause for a moment and ask:
Is this something they could do for themselves?

Because when we let our kids try, we give them a gift that lasts far beyond childhood: the unshakable belief that they can handle whatever comes next.

You've got this!

-Megan