It's ok to go to bed mad.

Maybe you've heard the advice not to go to bed angry.

I don't like that advice.  I think it's totally ok to go to bed angry.  

If you are feeling mad at your teen for: coming home late, talking back, being disrespectful, etc. and you are trying to talk to them and you start to raise your voice, interrupt, not be willing to listen.  I want to offer that you say something like:

"I'm feeling mad and I don't want to say anything rude or that I regret, I'm going to bed.  We can talk tomorrow."

I promise you will feel SO much better the next day and be able to think more clearly and not say anything rude or that you regret.  

If you want to take this a step further I offer that you write down all the things you are thinking.  When we are feeling mad it usually is coming from thoughts like: she's such a brat, he's such a jerk, she's so rude, he is so ungrateful etc. 

You are feeling the way you are because of what you are thinking not because of your child.

What you think about them matters!  I'm not saying that we always think kind, but what you think does impact your relationships.

When I am coaching clients the first thing we do is gain some awareness.  The way I have my clients do that is by writing.  Choose a specific relationship you want to be different and answer these questions.

  1. What are my thoughts about this person right now (don't edit it or judge it, be honest.  You don't have to show it to anyone).
  2. What do I wish about them was different?  Why?
  3. How do I think I would feel if they behaved how you want them to?
  4. How would my thoughts about them change if they behaved this way?
  5. Do I want them to behave this way even if they don't want to? Why or why not?
Take 10 min. and do this exercise.  This is the start of awareness.  This is the start of a better relationship.

Take care,
Megan

Is it time to get help with your teen?  Don't worry it doesn't have to be an uncomfortable process.  People find it very empowering.  My process is simple and it assumes the best of everyone involved.  It helps you find solutions to areas where you feel stuck.  

If you are ready to chat and want to feel more: peace, calm and ease in your relationships click HERE for a relationship consultation. 

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