Connection the first C in not fighting with your kids.

Hi,

Connection with your child is SO important for a: better relationship, not fighting, and so much more.

In the dictionary it says connection is a relationship in which a person, thing, or idea is linked or associated with something else.

Our relationships are our thoughts about the other person or thing.  

STOP🛑
I want to offer that you get out a piece of paper and write down how your relationship is with each of your kids. What are your thoughts about your relationship?  Now write down what you would like to be different.

If you want the relationship to be better or different then I want to offer some things you can start paying attention to that will make your relationship better.

Your approach it can create connection or contention. 

What’s the first thing you say to your child when they get home from school or from playing at a friend's house.  What do you say to them when they are cranky and need a nap?  Are you creating connection or contention?

We can be just as effective when we speak kindly.

How do we approach our kids when they need to clean something up, take a shower, get ready for school, or when we need to talk about something uncomfortable? It’s ok to say this is uncomfortable for me too.  

Are we demanding? How is our tone?


Just some things to ponder. Please don't be mad at yourself and feel guilty for how you've done things in the past. All we can do is move forward so think of what kind of mom do I want to be now?

Connect before you correct.                   Last year my son kicked a ball down the stairs. It hit a frame and the glass broke all over the carpet. Immediately he started saying, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that." The old me would have probably yelled. I went to him, got on his level and said, "I know you didn't mean to break the glass do you want some help cleaning it up?" I connected with him before we corrected the behavior and talked about not kicking balls down the stairs.

Here are some other ideas you can do to work on your connection with your child.

  1. Write notes

  2. Listen to listen, not to fix

  3. Respond so they know you are listening

  4. Tell them a “secret”

  5. Follow through

  6. Repeat back to them what they are telling you

  7. Put your phone down.

  8. Make eye contact

  9. Notice them - "I notice you put away your backpack." People want to be seen and just noticing them can make a difference in your relationship.


I hope you had a Merry Christmas and I hope you have a wonderful New Years.

Love,
Megan

PS

I'm teaching a four part parenting series starting January 10 to help you learn to never fight with your kids again.  
The parenting C'crets

  • Connection
  • Communication
  • Confidence
  • Coaching

To get on the interest list click HERE.  If you have questions reply to this or send me a direct message on Instagram click HERE.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A child's behavior is not a sign of who they are.

Recently we were at my son's soccer game, 15-16 yr old boys.  I do and don't like watching the older kids play because they get so physical.   At one point in the game there was an argument then a player on the opposing team picked up one of our players and threw him to the ground and started wrestling him.  It was crazy!  The ref gave that player a red card, and he was out.   A short time later that player and his dad went to their car which was parked right behind where we were sitting.  I didn't hear anything that was said, but it seemed that there was a lecture going on.   After the game I said to my husband, "that boy didn't want to do that, that's not who he is.  I'm sure he felt so angry that's how he reacted.  He might already feel bad enough that he doesn't need a lecture.  When we do stuff like that and don't have compassion for ourselves we hate ourselves and feel shame."  I felt bad for that boy, and thank...
Read more

3 steps for less fighting and yelling at home

I believe it's our job as parents to teach our kids about their emotions.  I think society is getting better with it being more talked about. Here are three steps you can use to start talking more about feelings in your home and as a result have less yelling, fighting, and arguing. This can be so simple when kids are young you can use phrases like, "I notice you seem mad." "I hear loud voices in here." "You have some big feelings." "It's ok to cry." "You seem concerned." Just acknowledging the feeling is the   first step .  That's easy to do with our kids.   The   2nd step   is to ask your child if they were/are feeling more   worried or concerned embarrassed or shy. When we give them options we help them to put a name to what they are feeling.  Often they don't know what they are feeling so we offer suggestions and let them decide. Step 3   get some sort of feelings chart you can hang somewhere. I'm always surprised...
Read more

Use MGI for better relationships!

If you want to feel better and fight less with your teen use  MGI (most generous interpretation) .  I learned this phrase from Dr. Becky Kennedy.   When my son was ornery the other night and a little snippy with everyone.  I thought he's probably tired.  I mentioned it to him and he said yes.  I said, "I know you're tired, you'll feel better in the morning." When my son was getting ready for school and came out and said loudly, "you won't help me."  I noticed he was frustrated and asked why?  He was trying to unstick a bandaid that had stuck together.  I said, "I'll just get you a new one, let's get ready for school." When my son said, "we always have the worst dinners."  I thought he doesn't like this one meal and he's hungry.  I said, "I bet you're hungry if you don't want this you can make yourself some toast." I believe that most people are doing the best they can, that most people have good i...
Read more