ONE thing for closer relationships.

I just finished listening to a great book it's called Dangerous Love by Chad Ford (I don't love the title), but that's irrelevant.  

One thing that stuck out to me is the concept of turning first.  

Turn first to the person you are in conflict with.

The way I interpreted it and have tried to implement in my life is 

Be first to: apologize, be kind, smile, say I love you, see the other person as a person.

Recently one of my kids woke up on the wrong side of the bed.  He was ornery.  He blamed me for so many things that were going wrong before school.  He said, "I'm going to make us late today."  

I remembered this concept and didn't say anything.  I was thinking I'd like to tell him he's such a brat and to stop being so ornery, maybe go back to bed.  THIS WOULD NOT DO ANY GOOD.  I think this is the natural tendency BUT, it doesn't have to be.

I stayed silent and thought what could be going on for him?  
    He was mad the Honey Bunches of Oats were gone.
    He was mad he'd spilled some cereal and had to clean it up.

I still didn't feel like being all nice, but I at least changed the subject and asked about lunch and told him about our plans for the evening.  Amazingly he started to change.  He got some cereal and sat down and started talking to me. 

Being the first sometimes feels: scary or unfair, but it's so worth it.  This will make all your relationships in your life SO MUCH BETTER.  

Be willing to do the hard/scary thing.  

This doesn't come naturally and can seem impossible if you are really struggling with someone.  One step I would offer is to start thinking about what is going on for them.  

If you have a teen that is getting F's, vaping, or any other # of things you don't like WHAT IS GOING ON FOR HIM/HER?

If you have a parent that is not supportive of you or says mean things to you WHAT IS GOING ON FOR THEM?

If you have a sibling that won't talk to you or a spouse that's distant WHAT IS GOING ON FOR THEM?

This won't change overnight, but when we start asking what's going on for them we are more likely to feel compassion and when we feel compassion we act differently toward them.  

You will start to see a shift in your relationship.

If this feels hard or scary that's good you are on the right track.  If you don't know how I can help you.  For the month of December I am offering four coaching sessions for only $97!  I want to help.  I want you to feel better.  I want you to have tools and knowledge to help in ANY relationship.  If you are in or have questions or are unsure send me a text 435-760-2590.  I'll answer your questions.   

It might feel scary to reach out, but what's it costing you to not do anything?  To keep ruminating?  To keep avoiding?  To not know what to do about your child? 

Make your holidays more enjoyable!

Take care,
Megan

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