What most parents think

When your kids are fighting what do you usually do?

When your child says something rude to you what do you usually do?

When your teen comes home late what do you do?

When your toddler spills their entire bowl of cereal and milk what do you do?

It's easy to react and yell at them or say something you later regret.  

If I could teach you ONE THING to help it would be to PAUSE.  

Most parents think that things need to be handled, addressed, dealt with in the moment.  But, pausing and waiting are SO beneficial.  

There is always an option to pause and take a deep breath before we react.  This allows for a more calm response. 

Sometimes I will let a few days go by.  It's still on my mind and we still talk about it or enforce a consequence.  But, waiting allows me to calm down and not say anything I wished I hadn't.  

Recently one of my kids said something rude on the way home from school.  There was an even he didn't want to attend because he'd be missing something else that he really wanted to attend.  I've been practicing this a long time so when he said the rude thing I stayed silent.  I took a deep breath and changed the subject.  When we got home I said, "I understand you were mad, but what you said wasn't very nice."  Then we walked in the house and moved on with our day.

Later that evening as I was making dinner he said, "I'm sorry I said what I said."  I knew what he was talking about.  I said thanks.  We connected and moved on.  Had I yelled at him or told him he was wrong and that he should be grateful he would have then turned outward and been mad at me and blamed me.  I paused and stayed silent he was able to reflect inward and see his behavior.  This is HUGE!

This allows for us to have SUCH a better relationship and a more peaceful home. 

Here are some ways that you can start to practice pausing.

  1. Remember you are good and your child is good.
  2. BREATH - there is power in taking a few deep breathes.
  3. I'll say to my kids, "I'm not sure what do to about this now, but I'll figure it out."
  4. Meditating a few times a week for a few min. 
  5. Repeating to myself, "don't say anything."
There are other things to practice, but these are few that I use.  

If you yell more than you'd like, and want to stop I can help you.  If you are tired of feeling frustrated, annoyed, and at a loss for what to do with your kids, I can help you through coaching.  If your child is having A LOT of tantrums and you don't know what to do, I can help you.  I coach parents 1:1.  In a coaching session I will offer parenting tools that work.  It's like looking in a mirror into our brain to see what thoughts you are thinking that is creating the results you have in your life. 

I was always terrified to have teens, and now I have two.  I have great relationships with them because I use and apply all the tools that I teach and I get coached too.  If this speaks to you I want to invite you to a free coaching session you can sign up HERE.  If you can't find a time that works for you send me a DM on IG and we will arrange another time.

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