When Your Kids Are Getting on Your Nerves: 3 Things to Try

 Relationships with our kids ebb and flow. Some days, we feel connected, patient, and happy to be around them. Other days, everything they do seems to get on our nerves. The chewing, the arguing, the whining, the messes… even the little things can feel BIG.

If you find yourself feeling more annoyed or bugged by your child than you'd like, it doesn't mean you're a bad parent or that something is wrong with your relationship. It might just be time to pause and reset.

Here are three things you can do to help.

1. Get It All Out of Your Head

Grab a piece of paper and write down everything you're thinking about your child right now. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

Maybe you're thinking, Why does he always have to argue with me? Why can't she just do what I ask? He is so inconsiderate. I'm so tired of dealing with this.

Write it all down. Don't filter yourself or worry about whether your thoughts are nice. This isn't something you need to show anyone. It's simply a way to get those thoughts out of your head so you can look at them instead of letting them run the show.

Sometimes, just seeing what we're thinking can help us recognize how much our thoughts are affecting the way we feel about our kids.

2. Ask Yourself, "How Do I Want to Show Up?"

Now that you've gotten your thoughts out, ask yourself:

How do I want to show up for my child, even when they're chewing loudly, being annoying, fighting with their siblings, or doing all the things that are currently driving me crazy?

Do you want to be patient? Playful? Calm? Understanding? Do you want your child to feel loved, even when their behavior frustrates you?

This doesn't mean you have to pretend that everything they do is wonderful. And it doesn't mean you shouldn't set boundaries or address behavior that needs to change.

It simply means you get to decide who you want to be in the relationship, rather than letting your child's behavior decide for you.

You can be annoyed and still be kind. You can be frustrated and still be loving. You can correct behavior without making your child feel like they are the problem.

3. Ask Yourself, "What Else Is True?"

This is one of my favorite questions to ask myself when I'm feeling frustrated with my kids.

Our brains are really good at finding evidence to support what we're already thinking. If we think our child is annoying, we'll start noticing all the annoying things they do. If we think they're disrespectful, we'll notice every eye roll, sigh, and backtalk.

But what if we paused and asked, "What else is true?"

Maybe your child is being annoying right now, and they're also funny, thoughtful, or fun to be around.

Maybe they're arguing with you, and they're still learning how to handle big emotions.

Maybe they're being inconsiderate, and they're a kid who is still learning to think about other people.

Maybe you're having a really hard day with them, and you have a lot of good moments together, too.

Asking what else is true doesn't mean ignoring the hard things. It means making room for a bigger picture of your child, rather than allowing their most frustrating moments to define how you see them.

What happened when I did this with my own son.

Recently, I did this exercise with one of my sons. When I got to the question, "What else is true?" I was surprised by what came out on paper.

I wrote:

  • He's trying.

  • He wants to feel better.

  • He's operating the best way he knows how.

  • He's a good kid.

As I read those words, I realized how much I needed that reminder.

When we're frustrated with our kids, it's easy to focus on what they're doing wrong and forget everything else we know about them.

But my job isn't to judge him. My job is to love him and teach him.

That doesn't mean I ignore his behavior or pretend everything is fine. It means I can approach him with the belief that he's a good kid who is still learning. I can help him learn how to handle his thoughts and feelings instead of getting stuck feeling frustrated with him.

Since doing this exercise, I've felt so much better about how I'm showing up as his mom. I've also been able to teach him things that can help him understand and manage his own thoughts and feelings.

And here's what I love about this: I didn't need him to change first for me to change how I was showing up.

Sometimes, when we shift the way we see our kids, we create space for a completely different kind of interaction.

Ready for a Relationship Breakthrough?

If there's one child you're struggling with right now, I'd love to help.

I'm inviting you to a free, 1:1 Relationship Breakthrough Call where we'll focus on the child who is challenging you the most right now.

We'll look at what's happening, the thoughts you have about your child, and how you can begin showing up in a way that helps you build the relationship you want.

You don't have to keep feeling stuck in frustration or wondering how to make things better.

Let's work through it together.

Click here to sign up for your free Relationship Breakthrough Call!

I'd love to help you see what's possible in your relationship with your child.

xoxo,

Megan

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