Megan Whitesides Coaching

The most amazing thing happened. First off I want to say parenting is hard.  There are many times I don't know what to do.  One child is upset about not getting what they want and think I'm siding with the one child, but if I let the other have "their" way then the other feels upset.  AND neither is right and neither is wrong.   The other day one of my twins was feeling disappointed.  They were going to play with each other and Austin changed his mind.  Carter felt disappointed and upset that Austin said yes then said no. I was talking to Carter and telling him how he could try and ask if Austin would play with him for 10 min. Or that sometimes people just change their mind and we feel disappointed.   He started saying some rude things and bothering Austin.  I said, "I won't let you talk to him like that.  If you continue we will leave."  (SETTING A BOUNDARY IS SOMETHING I WILL DO) I started thinking, " he's such a brat ." and ...

I love Mel Robbins, and recently I heard something on her podcast that has stuck with me. I’m not even sure she was talking specifically about parenting, but as soon as I heard it, I thought, this applies to almost every relationship and especially to our relationships with our kids. The question was: Does this person need to be heard, helped, hugged, or high-fived? I have found myself using this question over and over with my kids. Because sometimes when our kids are upset, our first instinct is to fix it. Or give advice. Or explain why they shouldn’t be upset. Or tell them what they need to do differently. And sometimes, that's not what they need at all. Sometimes they just need to be heard. Sometimes they need help. Sometimes they need a hug. And sometimes they need someone to celebrate them and say, “You’ve got this!” You can even ask your child what they need. Of course, in the middle of a meltdown, they may not have any idea. 😅 But even if they can't tell...

The Story You Tell Yourself About Your Child Matters More Than You Think What if the way you experience your child has less to do with who they are—and more to do with the story you are telling yourself about them? So much of how we experience our kids is shaped by what we think about them. If you think, “My child always whines,” your brain will become really good at finding all the times your child whines. If you think, “My teenager never listens,” you'll notice every eye roll, every ignored request, and every time they walk away while you're talking. Our brains are incredibly good at looking for evidence to support what we're already thinking. And this can work for us or against us. The story I used to tell myself I used to have a habitual thought about one of my sons: “He's such a brat.” It was almost automatic. When he did something that annoyed me, there it was. He's such a brat. And because that was the story I was carrying around, I became reall...

 The other day, I was thinking about how many arguments we get into with our kids that really don't need to become arguments at all. You know the kind. Your child says, “You never listen to me, just listen!” And your immediate response is: “What do you mean I never listen to you? I listened to you for 20 minutes yesterday!” Now you're both arguing about whether or not you listen. Or maybe your child says: “I want ice cream. I don't want this gross dinner.” And suddenly you're explaining nutrition, reminding them that they had ice cream yesterday, telling them how much work you put into dinner, and explaining that everyone else is eating their dinner . Sound familiar? I've started thinking about how often our kids aren't actually asking us to fix something. They're just making a statement. And what if, instead of arguing with the statement, we just agreed with it? If your child says, “You never listen to me,” try: “Okay.” Or even: “You're...