Megan Whitesides Coaching

The most amazing thing happened. First off I want to say parenting is hard.  There are many times I don't know what to do.  One child is upset about not getting what they want and think I'm siding with the one child, but if I let the other have "their" way then the other feels upset.  AND neither is right and neither is wrong.   The other day one of my twins was feeling disappointed.  They were going to play with each other and Austin changed his mind.  Carter felt disappointed and upset that Austin said yes then said no. I was talking to Carter and telling him how he could try and ask if Austin would play with him for 10 min. Or that sometimes people just change their mind and we feel disappointed.   He started saying some rude things and bothering Austin.  I said, "I won't let you talk to him like that.  If you continue we will leave."  (SETTING A BOUNDARY IS SOMETHING I WILL DO) I started thinking, " he's such a brat ." and ...

I love Mel Robbins, and recently I heard something on her podcast that has stuck with me. I’m not even sure she was talking specifically about parenting, but as soon as I heard it, I thought, this applies to almost every relationship and especially to our relationships with our kids. The question was: Does this person need to be heard, helped, hugged, or high-fived? I have found myself using this question over and over with my kids. Because sometimes when our kids are upset, our first instinct is to fix it. Or give advice. Or explain why they shouldn’t be upset. Or tell them what they need to do differently. And sometimes, that's not what they need at all. Sometimes they just need to be heard. Sometimes they need help. Sometimes they need a hug. And sometimes they need someone to celebrate them and say, “You’ve got this!” You can even ask your child what they need. Of course, in the middle of a meltdown, they may not have any idea. 😅 But even if they can't tell...

The Story You Tell Yourself About Your Child Matters More Than You Think What if the way you experience your child has less to do with who they are—and more to do with the story you are telling yourself about them? So much of how we experience our kids is shaped by what we think about them. If you think, “My child always whines,” your brain will become really good at finding all the times your child whines. If you think, “My teenager never listens,” you'll notice every eye roll, every ignored request, and every time they walk away while you're talking. Our brains are incredibly good at looking for evidence to support what we're already thinking. And this can work for us or against us. The story I used to tell myself I used to have a habitual thought about one of my sons: “He's such a brat.” It was almost automatic. When he did something that annoyed me, there it was. He's such a brat. And because that was the story I was carrying around, I became reall...

 The other day, I was thinking about how many arguments we get into with our kids that really don't need to become arguments at all. You know the kind. Your child says, “You never listen to me, just listen!” And your immediate response is: “What do you mean I never listen to you? I listened to you for 20 minutes yesterday!” Now you're both arguing about whether or not you listen. Or maybe your child says: “I want ice cream. I don't want this gross dinner.” And suddenly you're explaining nutrition, reminding them that they had ice cream yesterday, telling them how much work you put into dinner, and explaining that everyone else is eating their dinner . Sound familiar? I've started thinking about how often our kids aren't actually asking us to fix something. They're just making a statement. And what if, instead of arguing with the statement, we just agreed with it? If your child says, “You never listen to me,” try: “Okay.” Or even: “You're...

 How to Raise a Child Who Loves Reading If there is one gift you can give your child that will benefit them for the rest of their life, it's a love of reading. Children who enjoy reading don't just become better readers. They become curious learners, stronger communicators, better problem solvers, and more empathetic people. Reading opens doors to new ideas, different perspectives, and endless opportunities. The goal isn't to make your child read. The goal is to help them want to read. Here are a few simple ways to help cultivate a lifelong love of books. Read to them before they can read themselves One of the greatest predictors of a child becoming a reader is having someone read to them regularly. Reading together builds vocabulary, strengthens attention, sparks imagination, and creates positive memories around books. Even after your child learns to read independently, don't stop reading aloud. Listening to stories together exposes them to richer vocabulary an...

When Your Child Is Upset… and You Feel It Too Have you ever noticed how easy it is to match your child’s mood? They’re annoyed… and suddenly you’re annoyed. They’re mad at you… and now you’re mad right back. This is called mirroring . And honestly, it’s something we all do. But here’s the problem when we mirror our kids, we’re not actually helping the situation. We’re just adding fuel to it. Instead of calming things down, everything escalates.  We’re often the ones left feeling guilty about what we said or how we reacted. What This Looks Like in Real Life The other day, my son told me I “ruined his hair” because I combed the back down. My first reaction? Roll my eyes. Get annoyed. Say, “Fine, do it yourself then.” Or when your child is upset with you, it’s so tempting to get defensive… or even have that quiet thought of, “ I’ll show you .” But that never works. It just makes things worse for them and for us. 3 Ways to Stop Mirroring Your Child 1. Notice It Awarenes...

We all know that if we want stronger muscles, we have to use them. We don’t get stronger by sitting still we get stronger by doing things that take effort. Our brains work the same way. If we want our kids to have stronger, smarter, more resilient brains… they need opportunities to use them. That means: doing hard things trying new things working through things that feel a little uncomfortable solving puzzles or figuring things out That’s how the brain grows. Simple, everyday activities can do this in a big way especially for young kids. One of those activities is using both hands at the same time to follow patterns like zig-zags or dots. It might look like just a fun little exercise, but there’s actually a lot happening inside the brain.  You can see an example HERE. When kids use both hands together, they’re activating both sides of the brain and strengthening the connection between them through the corpus callosum . And just like a muscle, the more that conn...

Most parents think boredom is a problem. Something to fix. Something to avoid. Something that means we’re not doing enough. So we jump in… We hand them a screen. We suggest an activity. We solve it for them. But what if boredom isn’t the problem?  What if it’s actually the solution? Boredom Is Where Growth Begins We live in a world where kids are constantly entertained. And because of that… they rarely get the chance to think for themselves. Boredom feels uncomfortable.  That’s why we try to get rid of it so fast. But that uncomfortable feeling?  It’s actually what pushes kids to grow. What Research Says About Boredom Researcher Arthur C. Brooks explains that boredom isn’t something to avoid it’s something we need. When we’re bored, the brain shifts into a mode where it starts to wander, reflect, and make connections. This is when we begin to ask: What do I want to do? What am I interested in? What could I try? That’s where creativity and proble...

  Learn How to Say Less… And Get Better Results I heard a quote once that has stuck with me for the past few days it went something like this: “Moms who don’t listen end up with kids who have nothing to say.” That hit me. Because recently, I noticed something in myself that I didn’t like. When my son talks to me, I sometimes feel… annoyed. He says “like” a lot. He tells me the same story over and over. And instead of really listening, I catch myself being critical in my head. Not out loud. But I know he can feel it. And I don’t want to be that kind of mom. I don’t want to be someone my kids slowly stop talking to. The Moment That Changed Me The other day, that quote came back into my mind. And I stopped. I looked at my son and apologized and said,  “I want to hear everything you have to say.” It was a small moment, but it mattered. Because the truth is… Our kids don’t just hear our words. They feel our presence. They feel when we’re distracted. They feel...

I love Dr. Becky Kennedy. She said: "Maximizing ease and happiness in childhood doesn't create well-adjusted adults." That stopped me for a minute. Because as parents, many of us are trying to make things easier for our kids. We try to prevent frustration. We try to keep everyone happy. But that’s not actually what helps kids grow. What they really need is connection . Most parents think they have a discipline problem. But what they really have is a connection problem . When kids feel connected: they listen more they cooperate more they trust you more Connection makes everything else easier. When a child feels safe and seen by you, they are much more willing to work with you. The good news? Connection doesn’t require hours of extra time or elaborate plans. It usually happens in small moments throughout the day. Here are a few simple things you can start doing today. Simple Ways to Connect With Your Child Today Get on their level Instead of talking down to t...

Recently I had a conversation with my son who is serving a mission for our church.  During our call he started sharing some of the things he had been thinking and feeling. He was being really hard on himself. He was judging himself and comparing himself to others. I think most of us do this to some extent. It’s easy to look around and feel like everyone else is doing better, working harder, or having more success. As I listened, I realized I had an opportunity to help him see something important how the way he was thinking was affecting his whole experience. Before I shared anything, I asked him if he'd be open to a little coaching? This is such an important step. Instead of jumping in with advice, it gives the other person a choice. When people feel invited instead of corrected, they are much more open to listening. He said yes. So I shared a simple model I learned when I became certified as a life coach through The Life Coach School . This framework helps us understand how...

 Kindness Begins With Me There is a Primary song that says, “I want to be kind to everyone, for that is right you see. I say to myself, remember this kindness begins with me.” Those words have been on my mind a lot lately. As I hear things in the news, things happening in my town, and even things my kids tell me about school, I keep coming back to that simple line: kindness begins with me. If I want more love in the world, more patience in my home, and more peace in my community, it has to start with my own heart. Recently I listened to a talk by Gary E. Stevenson titled Blessed Are the Peacemakers . Several things he said really stood out to me. “Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.” He taught that being a peacemaker begins in the most basic place in our hearts. We replace contention and pride with forgiveness and love. We build bridges of cooperation and understanding. We respond with kindness. We deliberately build others up instead ...

 The Complaint Box: A Simple Way to Have Less Complaining at Home There are times when I can handle my child’s complaints with patience and calm. And then there are those other times … You know the ones when all your ears hear is whining, complaining, and negativity. Your patience is gone. Your mood is already thin. And every complaint feels like it’s drilling into your brain. That’s exactly when the Complaint Box is one of the best tools I’ve found. What Is a Complaint Box? A complaint box is exactly what it sounds like: a box where your child can “submit” their complaints instead of repeating them out loud. Here’s how it works: If your child starts complaining, instead of arguing, correcting, or shutting them down, you calmly say: “Put it in the complaint box.” Then they write down what they’re upset about and drop it inside. You read it later when you’re in a better mood and can respond more calmly. Why It Works So Well (Especially for Older Kids) I’ve been doing this ...

I don't remember where I read this quote so long ago, but it's been on my mind recently.   “Moms who don’t listen will end up with kids who have nothing to say.” Not because moms don’t care — but because most of us are busy, tired, and juggling a million things at once. We hear our kids all day long. But listening is different. Here are a few simple ways to become a better listener — and what they can look like in everyday life. 1. Listen to listen — not to respond When our kids talk, our instinct is often to fix, correct, or defend ourselves. But listening means staying curious instead of reactive. If your child says, “You never play with me,” instead of responding with, “That’s not true,” try pausing and saying, “It sounds like you wish we had more time together.” No fixing. No arguing. Just listening. 2. Listen without judging Kids shut down quickly when they feel judged. Eye rolls, sighs, or minimizing their feelings can teach them it’s safer not to talk. If your child s...

One easy parenting strategy that can reduce whining and fighting is surprisingly simple: agree with your child . When a child says things like, “You never listen to me,” our instinct is often to defend ourselves. But instead of arguing, try agreeing. You can say, “Okay,” or “You’re right.” Even if it’s not completely true, ask yourself honestly—are there times you don’t listen? Of course there are. We’re human. If your child says, “I want ice cream instead of potatoes,” you can respond with, “I believe you,” or “Me too.” If they say, “I don’t want to go,” simply agree. Agreeing does not mean you’re changing the plan or giving in. It just means you’re letting your child know they’ve been heard. Children don’t always want explanations or lectures. Most of the time, they just want connection. When we stop trying to convince them and start acknowledging their feelings, the tension drops almost instantly. This simple shift—believing your child and agreeing with them—can lead to...

 One small word can make a big difference in our kids’ behavior: notice . When we use the word notice , it lands differently than praise. It feels more real and more personal. Instead of evaluating our kids, we’re simply seeing them. A simple way to practice this is at bedtime. Each night, when you say goodnight, tell your child one thing you noticed about them that day. “I noticed you said thank you at dinner.” “I noticed you shared with your sister.” “I noticed you hung your backpack up when you got home.” “I love you.” That’s it. You don’t need to add anything else. Just notice. We don’t have to decide if what they did was good or bad. We don’t have to say “good job” or “great work.” There’s nothing wrong with those phrases, but they’re vague and can start to sound flat over time. Noticing is specific, and kids feel it. When we notice our kids, they feel seen. And the more we notice the positive things, the more we begin to see them. Then, naturally, our kids do more o...